Personnel File • Classified
Who We Are
Two veterans and a tech nerd walked into a startup. The veterans complained about the coffee. The tech nerd complained about the Wi-Fi. Nobody left. This is the result.
The One Who Actually Deployed
Did two tours, got a DD-214, and immediately became insufferable about it. Now channels that energy into designing shirts instead of correcting people at bars. Has strong opinions about boot bands and even stronger opinions about font kerning. Will tell you about that one time in Fallujah whether you ask or not.
The Other One Who Actually Deployed
Former 0311 turned logistics mastermind. If the Marine Corps taught him anything, it's that hurry up and wait also applies to supply chains. Handles operations, fulfillment, and occasionally reminds everyone that he was infantry — as if the haircut didn't give it away. Still eats crayons recreationally.
The Tech Nerd (Civilian)
Never served a day in his life but has seen every war movie twice. Writes the code, manages the servers, and pretends to understand military acronyms in meetings. The other two keep him around because someone has to fix the website at 2 AM. His VA claim is for carpal tunnel and imposter syndrome.
Mission Statement
Armored Arms exists because three guys with vastly different skill sets agreed on exactly one thing: the veteran apparel market needed more jokes and less “thank me for my service” energy. We make clothes for the people who served, the people who love them, and the people who just really enjoy a good crayon joke. Built in the USA. Fueled by spite, caffeine, and the GI Bill.
Armored Arms • Est. 2025 • “We’d rather be napping.”